Sumo Limericks (in case Haikus are not your thing)

[Kintamayama 45,527]

3 hours ago, Yamanashi said:

You mean like how they talk down in Eilat?

Exactly..

[Ichimawashi 573]

There should be a game called “Sumo Bourse”
Pay a buck, get a share of each ‘horse’
(By horses, you see
I mean sekitori)
And you buy, sell, and trade shares, of course

Sell the shares of the guys you dislike
Buy more shares in those that have you psyched
If your ‘net’s in the red
Don’t quit, buy more instead
Winner’s pot rose again, hit that ‘like!’

All transactions are done every hour
By a bot with its own source of power
Make a bid, set a price
Offer package deals: nice
Trade a short guy for one who’s a tower

As the shares pass from player to player
Their true values become much less grayer
But results of the bouts
Will turn studs into louts
Honest prices for shares will need prayer

A system decides which shares pay
At the end of the last basho day
KK, sansho and yusho
Pay the shareholders back, so
Make good trades and win money, OK?

Edited July 4, 2021 by Ichimawashi

[orandashoho 720]

@Ichimawashi  one word... wow!

[Churaumi 745]

Five limericks shows off your wit

As well as your sumo stock market

What could it hurt

I won't lose my shirt

Shonanzakura's up 0%

[Yamanashi 3,904]

Nagoya is all set to go,

And the questions we'd all like to know:

Will Teru get the rope,

Does 'keisho have a hope,

And, mostly, will Hakuho sho?

[Ichimawashi 573]

Intai beckons at poor Tochinoshin
Difficulties reacting to motion
With success in deep freeze
It comes down to bad knees
If your name ends in "...shvili": emotion

It resembles a Faustian deal
"Let me just for a while be steel
A few months of great power
On the top of the tower
Then the fall as I breakdown piecemeal"

But I think we should see the whole story
It's much more than a few months of glory
A precipitous fall
He recovered it all
Now the proud, slow fall, obligatory

But for Terunofuji's return
Tochi's path would be quite a concern
Let us fondly remember
This Georgian contender
And the months when his form was on "burn"!

 

[Ichimawashi 573]

Musubi no ichiban, day seven
The GOAT and the Monkey are revvin’
Now the fists hit the floor
They both stand, but no more
Striking poses and praying to heaven

A weird matta, a restart; it’s on!
Well, not yet; what’s the problem?  Come on!
Hey, it looks like, to me
That the timid “Toby”
Feels that contact will lead to him gone.

It looks like they pose for a painter
Chance of ending gets fainter and fainter
Finally Hakuho goes
For the belt, grabs, and throws
”It’s over, thank Ghod!” say complainers

Edited July 13, 2021 by Ichimawashi

[Ichimawashi 573]

Chat on streams that drive me 'round the bend
Asking "When's Tochinoshin?" no end
You're already online
Look it up, you'll be fine
Try to clog the chat less, sumo friend

[Ichimawashi 573]

When it happened, my WiFi was down
“Perfect timing,” I yelled with a frown
By the time it came back
They were interviewing ‘Hak’
Whose achievements were talk of the town

Earlier by eight hours, I tried
To guess at the bout’s winning side
After quite careful thought
I foresaw in post-squat
That a GOAT win seemed all ‘cut and dried’

Had he lost, the buzz would be cruel:
“Hakuho has been taken to school!”
They’d forget fourteen straight
In their mad rush to hate
”He should not have returned, the big fool!”

So it wasn’t surprising to find
That his tactics made purists quite blind
With a fury intense
They would spare no expense
And claim “hinkaku’s been left behind!”

In this way, what I felt was a ‘must-win’
Was in actual fact just a ‘no-win’
So far ‘Hak’ has come
That there’s no pleasing some
His detractors’ mindsets are all built-in

[Yamanashi 3,904]

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, and Children of All Ages, the One, the Only, @Ichimawashi, the GOAT of Sumo limericists!

[Seiyashi 4,108]

Out of likes, but bloody hell, these deserve quite a few.

[Kintamayama 45,527]

Terunofuji did not pull the mage

Instead received a kachi-age

His elbow was bent

and then he was sent

to the ground shouting "ouch-kotenage!!"

[Yamanashi 3,904]

Hakuho says "I'm eating your dinner!

If I have to I'll fight like a sinner,

Then they'll know I'm still dope,

But you still get your rope,

And we both come out looking like winners."

[Ichimawashi 573]

Hey YDC, give it a rest
You are just there to anoint the best
Teru’s in?  I approve.
But it’s pointless to move
To the tired and old GOAT grumpfest

I don’t know what you hope to arrange
Hakuho is just not going to change
Criticism alone
Will not make him atone
And you don’t have the guts to estrange

[Yamanashi 3,904]

Takagenji's been caught acting kookie,

Like his brother, his behavior is flukey,

Don't bother to plead,

You've been caught smoking weed,

(This poem's for @Kaminariyuki)

[Kaminariyuki 500]

5 minutes ago, Yamanashi said:

Takagenji's been caught acting kookie,

Like his brother, his behavior is flukey,

Don't bother to plead,

You've been caught smoking weed,

(This poem's for @Kaminariyuki)

*bows deeply*

[Kaminariyuki 500]

The Streets of Nagoya

 

Come on dude, cut me some slack,

I need a KK or I'm not coming back.

Pass that joint over here,

And we'll chase it with beer,

And then we might need us a snack!

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 20, 2021 by Kaminariyuki

[Yaochozuna 137]

There was that Takagenji-sama
Quite keen on smoking marijuana
He was like: "C'mon it's just pot."
And was surprised a lot
By the ensuing drama

[Ichimawashi 573]

‘The GOAT’s Ode to Shibatayama’:

Hakuho will now ask for permission
In writing, with not one omission
To sleep, fart, and mate
And sometimes defecate
It’s his ultimate “piss them off” mission

Edited August 3, 2021 by Ichimawashi

[Churaumi 745]

This Kyokai fan club is funny

I'm sure its future is sunny,

But sixty bucks a year

Seems kind of dear

Just to be first in line to spend money

[Churaumi 745]

There's an emergency in that fair city 

Creating artificial scarcity

But when the virus subsides

And my budget abides

I wish you could all be there with me

[Yamanashi 3,904]

The NSK has a new Fan Club,

It's kind of like Japanese Stub Hub;

With some trinkety treats,

And a few Meet 'n' Greets

(For a Mil, Oho gives you a back rub)

[sumojoann 1,268]

(My very first limerick!)

Dedicated to the "We're gonna sing!" thread.
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Four rikishi were removed from the ring
They were told they had to sing
Tobizaru mimics a goon
Though we gave him Auto-Tune
Ain't no one else gonna be The King!

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Terunofuji, Enho & Onosho to follow.
 

 

Edited August 20, 2021 by sumojoann

[sumojoann 1,268]

Dedicated to the "We're Gonna Sing" thread.
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Four rikishi were removed from the ring
They were told they had to sing
Teru's in love, this I know
Oh yeah, I'm all aglow
But ain't no one else gonna be The King!

Edited August 20, 2021 by sumojoann

[sumojoann 1,268]

Dedicated to the "We're Gonna Sing! thread.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four rikishi were removed from the ring
They were told they had to sing
Enho, Enho, you're so cute
I could never put you on mute
But ain't no one else gonna be The King!